Doing Chores Teaches Responsibility and More

by Lela Davidson
 
Balancing good parenting and an orderly house can be tricky, but requiring children to do chores around the house is a great way to teach them responsibility and a healthy work ethic. Susan Tordella, author of Raising Able, encourages parents to involve children, making the work fun so that kids feel good about themselves and more connected to the family. “Family chores teach kids life skills, self-discipline, responsibility and teamwork while nurturing their self-esteem,” says Tordella. Follow these tips and your kids will be pitching in around the house before you can say, “Clean up this mess!”

Start Them Young

Your young ones are often enthusiastic about housework. They don’t yet know it’s not supposed to be fun. Kids’ natural curiosity and desire to do the things adults do make the preschool years a perfect time for introducing chores. When children want to copy you, let them. No child is too young to wipe down the baseboards, and toddlers are just the right height. Shannon Bieda, a mom of two, quickly capitalized on her children’s desire to be like Mommy. “When my kids asked for a toy vacuum, I bought a lightweight working version and let them play house all they wanted.” Tordella uses a Triple E system: expect, encourage and empower. As young kids master simple chores, support them to stretch for tasks beyond their years. This nurtures self-esteem and self-confidence. “They start to believe in themselves as capable contributors,” says Tordella. This pays off in the teenage years. “The chores might seem insignificant, but they impact children’s psyches on a very deep level.”

Banish Perfectionism

Don’t expect kids to live up to your standards of “clean.” Once you start handing over the rags and spray bottles to children, you relinquish control over the results. Instead of the ideal result, remember the primary objective is teaching kids to enjoy (or at least endure) household chores. Anna Eastland is a mother of three who believes the process is more important than the end product. “Demonstrate a positive work ethic,” she says. “Work is a way to grow in virtue and contribute to the good of society and of the family.” Work alongside your children, and remember that when children help with chores, their efforts reduce the workload for the grownups, but not right away. Invest the time to model the right way to do the task and work with the child until he is able to complete it on his own.
 

Start Small

For Allen Woody, a morning radio personality, children’s chores are part of a routine that keeps his household running smoothly despite an unconventional schedule. His 5- and 7-year-old sons do chores like clearing the table, taking out the trash, and caring for pets every day. “It really isn’t hard to do,” he says. “Just be consistent.” Many self-care tasks can be expanded gradually into full-blown chores. For example, a child who is taught to take his plate from the table will soon be ready to clear the entire table. Incrementally add on other after-dinner duties like rinsing the dishes and loading the dishwasher. Tordella believes in letting kids try everything, and even investing in mini-tools for house and garden maintenance. “Miniaturize everything you do that they’re interested in. ” 

Let Kids Choose

In addition to daily chores, start making a list of other tasks around the house that need to be done on a weekly or monthly basis. These chores should be age-appropriate and the type a child can do adequately. (And, of course, the cleaning products kids use should be nontoxic.) Once you have an inventory of chores your child is capable of doing independently, pick a time each week and let him choose a few chores to do. Completing chores on his own gives him a sense of accomplishment, and the ability to choose which chores to complete offers him some control over the process. Tordella emphasizes creating a system that makes life easier for everyone involved. “My kids would do one job all year, such as [collecting the] recycling or feeding the dog, because I couldn’t keep track of four kids’ chores. Any system works as long as everyone agrees.”

Use a Timer

Anything is possible when the end is in sight. For chores that are no fun, or just too big for a child to complete in a single session, a timer can make the difference between complaints and compliance. For big chores like dusting and vacuuming, a little bit done over several sessions gets the job done just as well. Whether the child is doing several small chores or part of a larger one, using a timer is fun and gives kids an end time to strive for. Encourage your kids to work as hard and fast as possible until the timer dings. Depending on the age of the child, start off with five or 10 minutes and adjust as needed. If your child has the attention span of 30 minutes, she can choose three different chores and do each for 10 minutes. Older kids can work for longer periods of time.

Leave It Alone

While it’s important to model how to properly do a given chore, once a child completes it, resist the urge to go back and do it over the “right” way. The most menial task can instill confidence, but changing what the child has done or doing the work over sends the opposite message. While you don’t want to hold out impossible standards, doing a good job is important. “Do not accept shabby jobs,” says Tordella. Instead, demonstrate the correct way to accomplish the task and then gradually release full responsibility to the child. If a child is not ready to do the job to an adequate (not perfect) standard, then take it off his list until he is a little older. Of course, older kids may get wise to this one and begin to slack off on purpose. You’ll know when it’s time to up your standards.

Be Clear About Allowance

Families have different philosophies about allowance. Some use chores as a pseudo work scenario, and allowance as the equivalent of a paycheck, while others expect children to contribute to the maintenance of the family home without compensation of any kind. Still others distinguish certain chores as simply a responsibility of living in a family (therefore not something to be paid for), and designate other chores that the child may choose to complete “above and beyond” her duty to the family (and is paid for). Tordella sticks by the philosophy that everyone contributes to the common good and everyone shares in the family resources. She says money is the lowest motivator. “Give them age-appropriate allowances that are not tied to doing the chores,” she says. If you plan to provide an allowance, think through these subtle distinctions and communicate your intentions clearly to your child before the formal allowance negotiations begin.

As your child grows older, her help around the house becomes invaluable, as does the work ethic learned. With a little strategy and a lot of the right attitude, you can transform even the youngest children into your little helpers – and it won’t be a chore.

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